


Raise A Glass to Freedom

by martianwahtney



Series: prompts [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Bucky is still trying to find himself and Steve does not understand that at all, Canon Divergence - Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Good Guy Tony Stark, M/M, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, lmao Tony is the good guy in all my fics am I right
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-04
Updated: 2017-01-04
Packaged: 2018-09-14 15:40:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9190043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/martianwahtney/pseuds/martianwahtney
Summary: kahuna-burger said:I wanna read more stories where Barnes is free of HYDRA’s control after TWS, but he’s still the Winter Soldier. Like, his memories are coming back, but they’re memories of 70 years ago, and he’s changed a lot since then. And when he runs into Steve (working as a mercenary for anyone but HYDRA) he’s got some residual fondness and doesn’t wanna kill him, but the “this isn’t you, Bucky, please, come back to yourself,” bit pisses him off. (And Tony getting it and winteriron)





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [KahunaBurger](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KahunaBurger/gifts).



The Asset looked back at the blonde on the shore of Potomac, there was something about him, something familiar shifting around in the back of his head. He wasn’t quite ready to pull that thread. It was too much too soon. For now, he had to get away from HYDRA. He wasn’t theirs anymore.  
  
–  
  
The Asset kept journals for his memories. He had a lot of them know. They were fuzzy, and most of the time he felt like he couldn’t properly grasp on to them. He wrote them down to keep them with him. To remind himself that at one point in time, seventy years ago, he’d been a real person.  
  
He read about himself in the Smithsonian. His name had been James Buchanan Barnes, he went by Bucky. At that time it had felt like he was reading about someone else’s life. Then the memories came.  
  
He had been a real person.  
  
–  
  
The Asset remembered the man he used to be. He wasn’t that man anymore. After seventy years of having his brain scrambled and having other people use him to be a mindless assassin, it was impossible to go back to the man he used to be. But he could figure out who he was supposed to be, a new man.  
  
–  
  
The Asset started to call himself James. James was safe. His old name, Bucky, it held too many connotations. James tried to call himself Bucky at first, but he wasn’t Bucky anymore, it didn’t make sense to keep calling himself that. James was a better fit. James was something new. James could be anyone he wanted to be.  
  
–  
  
James moved to Bucharest. He had an apartment and worked at a small store. It was a chance to figure out who he was.  
  
–  
  
James gave himself missions sometimes, when he had nothing else to do. He would go take down HYDRA cells. He felt as it was the best form of revenge. Take everything they did to him, take the Winter Soldier, and use it to tear them down.  
  
It was on one of those self-given missions that he met Steve Rogers. James didn’t want to kill him. He had lost that urge the moment HYDRA had been burnt to the ground. There was even a little bit of fondness for the blonde. Or… for the kid he used to be. James remembered him just a little.  
  
“Bucky!”  
  
James blinked and looked over at Steve Rogers. He remembered a scrawny kid that never backed down from a fight. He didn’t remember this new giant.  
  
“Is this where you’ve been this whole time?” Steve demanded.  
  
James frowned. Steve was his old friend. From seventy years ago. The man in front of him now didn’t feel like the Steve he used to know. Maybe he could use a new name as well.  
  
“Yes,” James said slowly.  
  
Steve- no, the Captain- moved forward and hugged James. James didn’t know how to react. Had it been the old Steve he might have been more inclined to hug back. But this was not his old Steve. The Captain pulled away from him, huge smile on his face. James could only muster up a small smile in return.  
  
“What are you doing out there? You gotta come home Buck,” the Captain said.  
  
There was that name again. Bucky. Clearly the Captain still saw him as his old friend. But James was not.  
  
“Home?” James asked.  
  
Home was his small apartment in Bucharest. With the kind old lady who lived beneath him and always gave him a slice of whatever pie she decided to bake that week. James already decided that he would gladly take a bullet for her.  
  
“New York! We’re all at Stark Tower right now. You’d love it there Bucky,”  
  
Stark Tower. Tony Stark lived there. James killed Howard and Maria. He had been trying to make amends for seventy years of assassinations, mainly by taking down HYDRA cells, but perhaps he should apologize to Tony.  
  
“It’ll be just like old times,”  
  
How could it be just like old times if neither of them were the same person they used to be.  
  
–  
  
James tried to tell the Captain that he wasn’t Bucky anymore. But the Captain kept insisting that he was, that nothing had to change. He seemed convinced that they could go back to the way things were before James fell. They couldn’t. They were to different. The Captain didn’t want to listen to James.  
  
–  
  
The Captain was right about Stark Tower, it was amazing. James had never seen anything like it. Not even during his time with HYDRA. James liked Stark Tower. He made sure to jot that down in one of his journals. He had one where he jotted down everything he liked. There wasn’t a lot on there. He was still figuring himself out.  
  
The Captain brang him to Tony Stark’s lab. James was greeted by three different robots. They were fascinating things. They beeped and chirped and tapped on his metal arm with enthusiasm.  
  
“Back! The lot of you! Stop crowding him you fucking children!”  
  
It was Tony Stark who shooed the bots away. James took a moment to study him. He looked a lot like his father, Howard, but James could see some of Maria in him. He had ridiculous brown eyes, and a very intricate goatee. To James, it seemed a tiny bit unnecessary and a little extra. It suited him.  
  
“Sorry about them, they’re usually so well behaved but when someone new walks in… well… they’re like puppies,” Tony said.  
  
James looked at the bots for a moment. He felt a smile tug up on his lips.  
  
“I like them,”  
  
“That won’t last long,”  
  
“So what brings you to my lab, Buckaroo?” Tony asked.  
  
James didn’t bother correcting him. He didn’t want Tony to take it like the Captain did. James didn’t like that.  
  
“He brought me here,” James replied.  
  
“Rogers,” Tony said.  
  
James nodded.  
  
“How’s your arm? I doubt you’ve had it serviced since HYDRA fell, and not to toot my own horn but I’m pretty good at this whole mechanical thing,” Tony said.  
  
“It glitches,” James admitted.  
  
“Let’s take a look at it,”  
  
He moved toward James but James jerked back. He had to tell Tony. Tony paused, worry flitting across his face.  
  
“There’s something you gotta know,” James said.  
  
Tony looked at him expectantly. James steeled himself to try and ready himself to tell Tony that he’d killed his parents.  
  
“I killed them,”  
  
Tony said nothing, he just continued staring at James.  
  
“They told me to, so I obeyed orders,”  
  
“You killed my mom?” Tony whispered.  
  
“No witnesses,” James replied.  
  
“I understand if you don’t want me here,”  
  
“You’re going to have to give me some time to accept that,” his voice was flat, devoid of emotion.  
  
“I’m sorry,”  
  
–  
  
_My name is James Buchanan Barnes.  
These are the things I like:  
  
1\. Peach cobbler  
2\. The market in Bucharest  
3\. Fuzzy socks  
4\. Cats  
5\. Music from the 40′s  
6\. Killing HYDRA agents  
7\. Cooking  
8\. Movies  
9\. Flowers  
10\. Stark Tower  
11\. U  
12\. Butterfingers  
13\. Dum-E  
_  
–  
  
It was three weeks before James saw Tony again. In that time he was introduced to the rest of the Avengers. He had a few memories of Natasha, but not many. The majority of the Avengers were wary of him. He didn’t mind. He was wary of them.  
  
He liked Bruce. Bruce was nice. Bruce called him James and didn’t seem to mind when James joined in on his yoga sessions.  
  
James tried to stay away from Rhodey. The Air Force Colonel was best friends with Tony and wasn’t overly pleased with James at the moment. James didn’t blame him in the slightest.  
  
James started to see a therapist. Bruce said it would help.  
  
–  
  
_22\. Bruce Banner  
23\. Yoga  
_  
–  
  
_“Sergeant Barnes, the sir would like to see you in his lab,” JARVIS said.  
_  
James looked up, mildly surprised. JARVIS rarely spoke to him. He made his way to Tony’s lab and the door hissed open on it’s own. Tony was at his workbench. One of the bots hurried over to James and greeted him with a poke on his metal arm. It was U.  
  
“Hello,” James said quietly.  
  
He patted the bot gently and it chirped. Tony turned from the table to face James.  
  
“Hello Bucky,”  
  
“James,” it flew out of his mouth before he could stop himself.  
  
“What?” Tony asked.  
  
“James,”  
  
“Bucky… I’m not him anymore. People call me Bucky like I’m the same person I was before HYDRA, but I’m not. I don’t know exactly who I am, but it’s not Bucky,” James told him.  
  
“Ok,” Tony said simply.  
  
“James. I can’t forgive you for what you did to my mom. But I know you were brainwashed when it happened,” Tony took a shuddering breath.  
  
“Is your arm still glitching?”  
  
“Yes,” he said quietly.  
  
“Alright, sit down, I have to attach some sensors to your arm so I can get data,”  
  
–  
  
_28\. Tony working on my arm  
_  
–  
  
Tony explained everything he was doing to James. James was nervous at first. But Tony was gentle, and kind, and always asked permission before he did something to the arm. Bruce joined them halfway through to help Tony. It took them a few hours to finish up their work on the arm, but when they finished it felt a lot better than it had.  
  
“Let me know if something feels wrong,” Tony said.  
  
“Thank you,” James said.  
  
“It’s nothing,”  
  
–  
  
James wasn’t ashamed to say he was trying to avoid the Captain. It was draining to be around him. The Captain kept bringing up old memories, he kept expecting James could be the same man he used to be. That man was dead and gone and the Captain didn’t seem to understand that. So James avoided him. Instead he spent more and more time with Bruce, Tony, Sam, and even Rhodey. It seemed to make the Captain sad.  
  
–  
  
“What’d you make this time Jamesy?” Tony asked.  
  
“Fajita’s,” James replied.  
  
“The others?” was his next question.  
  
“Bruce has a time sensitive experiment, and Colonel Rhodes and Sam are training. I saved them some food,” James responded.  
  
“Then it’s just you and me tonight sweetcheeks,”  
  
James smiled a real smile. Tony grinned back.  
  
“God damn James, these are fucking good,”  
  
James’ cheeks felt warm at the praise. That was a new reaction to one of Tony’s praises. This was something he would have to bring up to his therapist.  
  
–  
  
_43\. JARVIS  
44\. Eating with Tony  
45\. Tony giving me nicknames  
46\. Tony Stark  
47\. Watching movies with Tony  
48\. Tony’s smile  
49\. Tony Stark  
_  
–  
“Movie night sweetcheeks, you wanna come?”  
  
James looked up from his journal where he’d been detailing the latest memory to assault him. There was a smile on Tony’s face. He looked like he’d just woken up.  
  
“You don’t have to,” Tony said.  
  
“No, I’m just about finished,” James said, he closed his journal and tucked it away in his desk.  
  
“New memory?” Tony guessed.  
  
“About my sister. Rebecca,” James told him.  
  
Slowly they made their way down the hallway to the communal living room.  
  
“You had a sister?”  
  
“Don’ remember her too well,” James admitted.  
  
“If it’s ok with you, James, I can have JARVIS look into her. He can tell you if she’s… ah… well-”  
  
“Thank you,” James said.  
  
“That’d be real nice,”  
  
They made it to the communal living room. The Captain greeted James enthusiastically, called him Bucky while he spoke.  
  
“His name is James,” Tony said.  
  
The smile on the Captain’s face slipped away.  
  
“He’s always been Bucky!” the Captain protested.  
  
“I’m not the man I used to be. I’m not Bucky. He died on the ice,” James said slowly.  
  
He was frustrated. He just wanted the Captain to understand that he wasn’t the same person he used to be.  
  
“But you can be Buck!”  
  
“But I’m not. I’m sorry you can’t understand that. I don’t know who I am but I’m trying to figure it out! You should try to get to know this me instead of hanging onto the old me,” James said.  
  
His therapist was right. He should have told this to the Captain a long time ago instead of just bottling up his frustration. The Captain seemed at loss for words. James walked out of the communal living room.  
  
–  
  
It was Tony who found him in the gym. James' knuckles were bloody and raw, and the remains of three punching bags littered the floor. He cooled himself down with a few yoga stretches.  
  
“Is he angry with me?” James asked.  
  
“He’s upset,” Tony replied.  
  
“It’s about fucking time you told him to fuck off. You have the right to be your own damn person,” Tony said.  
  
James smiled at him. Tony sat down next to him and for a few moments the two were silent.  
  
“My therapist said I should have done that earlier,”  
  
“Yea?”  
  
Tony didn’t think very highly of the study of psychology. There seemed to be a lot of guesswork to it. But if it was working for James then it must have some merits.  
  
“What else did your therapist say?”  
  
“That I should probably ask you to be my fella before I miss my chance,” James replied easily.  
  
“Then why haven’t you?” Tony demanded.  
  
“You wanna be my fella?”  
  
“Thought you’d never ask,”  
  
James smiled and rested his head on Tony’s shoulder. Tony kissed the top of his head.

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted to my tumblr!  
> [here](anthonystarhk.tumblr.com/)


End file.
